This just means to consider how the change you are making impacts the person as a whole. Not just one part or one goal.
Ask “Who do you want to be” not “what do you want”? Does THIS action get you there? Are there negative side consequences. Massive amounts of caffeine might give you energy and it might make you sick to have more down time. Just like staying up late to do work can been seen as good. But does the incremental work done outweigh the diminished production the following day? Or lower quality??
So think of the total person as a whole. For example, there was a story relayed by Dr. Matt James (nlp.com) of a client that wanted to be a stage example for one of his seminars. The guy was massive and his health was suffering. He ate cheeseburgers A LOT and wanted Dr. Matt to help him out.
Using a NLP technique, Dr. Matt built a negative association in his mind to cheeseburgers. To the extent that they ordered and brought one back after lunch and he had no interest in even smelling it. Amazing, right?!
However, that night he went to dinner with some friends. Happily ordered a salad as he told his friends of his miracle of the day. Wholeness was violated when a waitress walked by with a sizzling steak and the smell almost made him throw up.
It turns out that the mental picture he used for the exercise was “red meat”, not “cheeseburger.” So Dr Matt worked with him and tweaked some things to make it work. However serves as a great example of wholeness. Giving up cheeseburgers but can’t go to restaurants is NOT taking the person as a whole into account.
I always like the idea of the 5 Why’s. To make sure you are addressing the problem and not the symptom. So think about “why do I want X?” Then do it 4 more times. Why do I want that? Why do I want THAT? And why do I want THAT?
Of course, NLP has a great exercise for this as well. It’s called a Values Elicitation. And a simple version of it goes a little something like this:
- Pick an area of life that you want to improve. Relationships, Health, Wealth, Career
- What do you want to improve about it? Set a goal for that improvement
- Now ask/journal for yourself to honestly answer “If I have <that exact thing> in my life, what would it let me do?”
- Now ask/journal: What does <that exact thing> open up for you? What is the perfect scenario of that look like?”
- Now, let’s says that – sometime in your future- you have <first thing> and <second thing> super dialed in. Like totally cranking and perfect. How would you that make you feel in your life?” List the feelings.
Generally it will turn out that the 2nd things is actually the core value. So, in the future you should make your decisions from THAT. And look for things that help bring more of the feelings in the last step. Those things are your true feelings of happiness and satisfaction.
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