Reading Notes for:
By Oren Klaff
An Innovative Method for Presenting, Persuading, and Winning the Deal
Eradicating Neediness: Showing neediness is one of the worst things you can do to your pitch. Erodes Status. Nobody wants to work with a needy and desperate partner. Triggers self-protection in the croc brain. “No time to process- this has to go!” Neediness results in avoidance.
· We try to say it’s the wrong target or a bad pitch. It’s not.
· “What do you think?” “We can do this if you want.” “Do you think it’s a good deal?” “if you want us to.”
· Neediness = Weakness. will impact all social interactions negatively.
You know you are losing your audience when you see their growing discomfort. Glancing at watches. Fidgeting. Body language moving away. Close folder. Which can cause you anxiety and trigger acceptance seeking behaviors.
# 1: When we want something that only the target can give us, we set the stage for neediness
#2: When we need cooperation from the target and can’t get it- It’s frustrating.
#3: Is created inside of us when we make ourselves believe the target can make us feel good by saying YES.
# 4: Validation seeking kicks in when we see the target shift Attention. Triggers a natural fear response and the chances of involuntary neediness is high.
To Counteract: Go into every social interaction with a strong time frame that you are willing to use at any moment. Communicates that you are important and needed elsewhere.
The Basic Formula =
· Want nothing. Eliminate desires. Let them come to you.
· Focus on things you do really well. Be excellent at something, and show people.
· Announce your intention to leave the social encounter. At the moment when people expect you to come after them, pull away. People want what they can’t have.
Will calm down the fear circuitry in your mind.
Any product that your target consciously, or subconsciously, believes will enhance his social image will get them into hot cognition fast! Show the brain something that Society holds valuable and dopamine flows into the brain.
· The idea of being a hero is even more powerful than money.
You can’t send your targets cargo containers full of info and expect them to sort it out. You have to package it in a way their brain can handle. If it’s boring, the croc brain will ignore it. If it’s seen as a threat, croc will fight. Need hot cognitions to engage the croc mind, before sending vital info to the neocortex. So you have to package info with hot cognitions so the croc brain is happy. Visual and emotional stimulus to create ‘wanting’.
Frame control organizes info to provide meaning. Frames simplify info by putting more emphasis on some info than others. Construct a point of view and sets an agenda. It determines the angle from which your deal is seen. You must win the frame collision with more and better frames. And further frame control with small denials and defiance.
And you have to show humor and have fun. It’s not to relieve tension. People who have a lot of options are not uptight and don’t take everything seriously. This is fun from the start, and you should have fun. If you are not having fun, backtrack and reassess. You have to do this with humor, poise, and grace to not be seen as doing “sales tricks”.
The more you do this, the more you see that your strong internal frames will help you sublimate things in your life that don’t really matter. This allows you to focus on the things that really do.
1. Learn how to recognize beta traps and how to step around them. Look for anything that is designed to control your behavior
2. Experiment with ways to get around them. Will be uncomfortable at first.
a. Once you step into 1 beta trap, the next will be larger and harder to control.
3. Identify and label social frames. Develop your ability to recognize and label them
4. Initiate frame collisions with safe targets. Humor and soft touch are necessary!
5. Small acts of defiance and denial. Push and pull with a soft touch. Don’t freak out the croc brain.
6. Frame control cannot be forced. You need to enjoy it. Don’t force things. No pressure. No brute force. No anxiety.
7. Work with other frame masters. Keep it simple and use the frames that work well for you.
a. The only rule is that you set the rules.